On Why I Write And The Motivation Behind *suddenly* Sharing My Writing With You
Several people have asked, so I thought I'd write about it—go figure!
And so I write…To feel less alone, to feel seen, to feel like it’s not all for nothing—like there’s purpose in the pain and reason for the ridiculousness of it all…
Prefer to listen to this story? Click below for the audio version: sadyeevyn.substack.com/podcast
Over the holidays, I was chatting with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while and as we were swapping life updates and goings-ons, she mentioned receiving (and enjoying!) my email newsletters. Understandably, though—and I’ve gotten this question several times since—she was curious as to why, seemingly out of nowhere, I decided to start sharing my stories.
“Why now?” she asked.
So—and I’m sure this will come as a shock to no one (ha!)—I thought I’d write about it and share it here with you…
But before we dive into the why, let’s chat about the how
The truth is, this isn’t something I just decided to do one day and then BAM, here we are! It’s been more of a slow burn, building in the background, long before I’d become conscious of it, let alone started working toward it this past October.
That’s the thing about creative curiosity: it tickles your senses ever so slightly, teasing you, like the whisper of a spring breeze on the heels of a long winter. You know change is coming—you can feel it—but you’re not sure how or when, so you shake it off as a fluke, a fleeting glimpse into the future, then go about your business of business as usual.
This had been going on for YEARS, my friends!
Eventually, though, the tickles turn into nudges that become harder to ignore.
As
writes in Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear: “The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”Cut to last fall, when I realized I was ready to transition out of freelance projects and back into full-time work—still looking, by the way!—and found myself faced with revamping my resume (and composing countless cover letters) for the first time in seven years. I think I speak for everyone when I say: “Uggggggghhhhhhhhhh!”
Naturally, this felt like the perfect time to engage in a little thing I like to call “productive procrastination” and finally tap into that deep down desire to start storytelling again. I figured that by writing something I wanted to write (stories from my life), I’d eventually find my flow with crafting the various elements required for the job search, and you know what…it worked!
So that’s how I got back into writing—trickster tactics, as Gilbert might call it, and a gritty determination to keep moving forward, even if it means taking a few side steps along the way.
Okay, now let’s dive into my why behind writing and wanting to share it with you…
"You must cultivate activities that you love. You must discover work that you do, not for its utility, but for itself, whether it succeeds or not, whether you are praised for it or not, whether you are loved and rewarded for it or not, whether people know about it and are grateful to you for it or not. How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul? Find them out, cultivate them, for they are your passport to freedom and to love."
Source: Anthony de Mello in The Way to Love, via James Clear’s 3-2-1 Thursday Newsletter
Why I write and want to share my writing with you
If I’m being honest, perhaps a small part of it is so that you can know me a bit more—see beyond the curated photos of Instagram or past the pictures you may have painted through your own perceptions and get a closer look at the other, less polished parts of me. The parts that aren’t easily summed up in 2,200 characters or preferred by the algorithm.
But, also, because maybe you’ll find a bit of yourself in me, in the stories I share from my own life experiences, illustrating that we—you and me, but also the greater “we” of humanity—are more alike and have more in common than we realize, especially when it comes to the things that matter most.
The need for love and connection, a sense of oneness, of community, a deep understanding of each other and the pain we’ve endured—the heartbreak, the sorrow—but also the celebrations and joys that keep life worth living, even when it hasn’t turned out how we’d thought and we find ourselves asking “how the fuck did I end up here?”
And so I write, for me and for you.
To feel less alone, to feel seen, to feel like it’s not all for nothing—like there’s purpose in the pain and reason for the ridiculousness of it all. Finding humor in my relentless singleness and maybe yours, too; crying together in perhaps our shared loss of motherhood or of a loved one we still talk to, asking for guidance—for signs from the other side—to let us know they’re still there, encouraging us to keep going.
I write because I have to; it's how I process my feelings and cope with the hard shit—mine and that of the world—and I share it now because I simply can’t keep it all inside anymore or shamefully hidden away in my journal, for fear of being judged or ridiculed or of truly being seen.
Maybe it’s turning 40 and entering the “I just don’t give a fuck” phase of life that I’d heard so much about from friends and peers who had paved the way, years or decades prior.
Either way, here I am—stepping out from behind the safety of my pink pleather-bound and tattered journal and into the light to start a conversation, to find connection and to delight in knowing “we’re in this shit together” as I often tell my riders at spin.
Because we are.
And more than anything—more than you getting to know me—I want to get to know you. I want to feel connected and build a community that moves beyond a screen. A collective of people who go out into the world and make it a better place, simply by being kind—being human—seeking connection over condemnation.
We may not move mountains or stop wars, but I do believe in the power of empathy and how being able to see ourselves in each other might lead us to be more understanding, more compassionate, more patient, more kind—with ourselves and others—and how all of that can, and does, create change.
I write and share my thoughts, my stories, the things that keep me awake at night and worry me into the next day because in doing so, I feel lighter—like I’m finally unburdening myself from having to go it alone—and that lightness is freeing, my friends.
And maybe by reading my take on something you’re also going through, you’ll feel lighter, too. The simple act of knowing it’s not just you, serving as your permission slip to let that shit go, or in the very least, to lighten the load—of shame and guilt, sadness and worry—whatever the burdens you may carry.
That’s my hope.
And then there’s this: I write and I share that writing with you, because even though I know in my bones that I must, it’s still a little (a lot) scary to put myself out there in this way, but maybe by doing so, you’ll realize “if she can do it, I can too” and soon you’ll go after the thing that you feel pulled to do, no matter how scary or overwhelming it may seem.
(BTW, whatever that “thing” is, you totally can do it, too! I believe in you…I’m rooting for you!)
But perhaps the most important reason of all: I write because I love it—always have—and to quote Anthony de Mello from above, I do it because “it delights me and grips my soul.”
So even if absolutely nobody reads what I share, I will keep writing and keep sharing because it’s my soul’s calling to do so, no matter the outcome, no matter the impact.
That said, I’m so dang happy you’re here. Truly.
Thanks for joining me each week, for reading (or listening) and for being part of the conversations that I hope we’ll keep having about the real shit in life we ALL go through. Holding space for each other—being kind to each other—as we uncover and explore the twists and turns that answer the question: How’d I End Up Here?
I’m so glad we don’t have to go it alone…aren’t you?
xx
Sadye
P.S. What are your hobbies? Is there anything you do just for the fun / love of it without an attachment to “how productive” it is or whether it’ll be seen or heard or make you money? I’d love to hear from you…
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Working out and reading! Purely just for my own enjoyment and growth.